I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
