Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it because I queefed?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
