I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
