I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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