Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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