I can tuck mytits in my pants
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
