thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
