i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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