Apparently you make a good broom.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
