Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
