I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
