I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize