So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
