The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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