You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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