My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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