Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
