omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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