I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You are the jesus of drinking
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
