I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
