just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
