11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
