You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
