Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize