The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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