Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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