Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
