im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
