I accidentally burped into my bong.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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