is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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