Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
