lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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