Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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