everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
