I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
