She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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