census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
