oh god the rape fog is back!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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