But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
