careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
