I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She needs sedatives and a leash
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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