nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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