The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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