everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
