He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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