whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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