I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
