GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
