would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
