You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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