Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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