she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
