A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize