After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize