I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
