any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
