If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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