I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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