I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
