I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
