I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize