i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
