Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
