i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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