The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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