walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
