i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
