So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
