Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
