I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize