Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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