rhymes with "ouble enetration"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
