We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
