so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
