what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
