Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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