I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's always time for handjobs
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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