FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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