I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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